I'm very frustrated with how things are currently going with Lily. We had finally gotten her feeds back up to 60-90 mls (2 oz) of straight formula over 15 minutes, 4 times during the day and then 500 ml's (16 oz) of half water, half formula at night (over 10 hours). That gave her 25 oz of fluid total, but not enough calories and not enough water. So she was losing weight.

If I tried to up her feeds any, she would puke. So we got her on Reglan to help empty her stomach faster. She was 29 inches tall and 22 lbs in March when we started the Reglan.

As soon as we put her on Reglan, she started tolerating 3 oz feeds over 15 minutes 4 times a day, but then wouldn't tolerate more than 300 ml's over 10 hours at night. That meant we were down to a 22.31 oz every day. She was getting more dehydrated and just not doing well.


The dietitian came out and weighed/measured her. She (of about 2 weeks ago) was 32 inches tall and almost 23 lbs. So, she isn't gaining weight like she should be. We don't want her to get too heavy because she can have a much harder time breathing/getting rid of junk in her lungs, thus making hospital stays and pneumonia much much more likely.

We upped her Reglan again. We are supposed to get her taking 300ml's of straight formula at night, 4 feedings of 4 oz straight formula each, AND 2 oz of water at each feeding AND 1 oz at night and 1 oz in the morning. That's a massive 37 oz. I don't know how we're going to get this done without her puking most of it up, but we're going very slowly and we'll see if we can get it.
I've gotten her daytime feeds up to 4 oz over 30-40 minutes, but I haven't been able to get the extra water in yet.


Another issue we're dealing with now is, what I believe are, Tonic-Clonic (grand mal) seizures. I called her Neurologist to confirm, but they sure look/act like them. He should be calling me back sometime today. We have been weaning her off her seizure medication, but we may have to put her back on now. I really don't want to. The meds didn't lessen the amount of seizures she was having, but I guess they may have lessened the intensity? I don't know.
It's a big bummer for me because the less of this med she's on, the more alert and happy she is. She's been so much happier lately and I'm afraid that will go away if she has to go back on her seizure meds. She's been using switches so well, laughing, playing, and she wasn't as much on the Topamax.

In the butt?

So J and I were watching South Park: Canada On Strike last night (www.southparkstudios.com has full episodes) and Dakota was watching it with us. After the 'What What In The Butt' music video of Butter's, Dakota looks up at us and goes "more what what in the butt?"
We could not stop laughing. We played that clip (http://www.southparkstudios.com/clips/165193) for her over and over. It was so bad, but so so funny.

Well, I got my answer to the majority of my problems.

I have a herniated disk in my neck (C5?) and narrowing and compression of the nerves and nerve canal in the one below the herniated one. I have to go see a surgeon to see if I need surgery soon or if we can stall it for a while with PT and injections to help with swelling. Cross your fingers we can stall it till at least August (school break for J) or till he's out of school in 3 years.

My dr also agrees with the Autonomic Dysfunction idea and is 99% sure I have it, we just need a cardiologist to put it on paper. We are not going to pursue that yet though, since there isn't anything to be done for it anyway. We're focusing on the surgeon right now and we'll deal with the other later. I may need to see a cardiologist anyway to get me cleared for surgery, but we'll cross that bridge when we get to it.

I'm so depressed. I'm only 22. This should not be happening to me so early.

And how the hell am I going to be able to stay in a hard collar after spinal surgery for 6 weeks with 4 kids!? The longer we can put it off, the better.

Any alternitive therapies to help with this sort of thing? :(

Went to the dizziness specialist. They first did a hearing test, which I passed wonderfully (which is just nuts to me because I don't feel like I have good hearing, lol).
Then the dr came in, we talked about my dizzy problems, and he looked in my ears and did a blood pressure test (which he couldn't get a good result off of). He told me I have benign positional vertigo and gave me a little exercise to try to help with it. If it doesn't help, I have to go back for him to poke at me more.
He then said that my other dizziness isn't something he can treat because it's not a dizziness caused by ears, it's caused by your heart. So, he's referring me to a cardiologist, specifically to do a tilt table test. He believes I have Autonomic Dysfunction.
Fun, huh?

I'm really bummed out today, so beware that this part will be whiney and pouty. I'll cut in case you don't feel like hearing my whining. 

( pouty )
Another cut because it talks about early gestation birth/death. 

( NILMDTS )
We got up around 8 the next morning (Saturday) instead of 6 (I turned the alarm off when I got home, lol) and finally left the house around 10. We were supposed to go to this fair thingy for J to call into work and have them do a little on the air clip for it (he's an intern at a radio station for the summer). He needed to call in before noon. It takes 30 minutes to get to the place.
We get there and realize we forgot to pull cash out for parking. So we take about 10 minutes trying to find an ATM. Found one, but left our debit card at home (hand to forehead).
So we take 20 minutes trying to find a bank. Find one and it's closed. Fuck. So we drive to another one and finally get some cash.
By the time we finally got back to the place, parked, got all the kids out and sunscreened up, it was 12 and the radio station guy had already left. Ugh. He gets to talk about it a little today, but it's not the same.

The fair itself was annoying. Too many people, too little space. I don't' do well in large crowds. Poor Lily wouldn't keep her head up, so everyone was laughing at her (only cause they thought she was sleeping, but still).
There wasn't really anything to do there. I ordered a replacement pitcher from Pampered Chef (dakota threw mine across the room in a rage last week), but that was about it. Lots of people trying to get people to sign up to vote, for credit cards or banks, or do the child body identification kit. There were some photography booths and some booths selling stuff, but nothing fun. We left after about 2 hours. I forgot to put sunscreen on me, so my face and arms are totally burnt. I was wearing a hair scarf that partially covers my forehead so I have a mask like burn on my face now, lol.


I have a maternity session this afternoon. I'm trying to get some for my portfolio, so it's free for her as long as she'll do the semi-nude/nude photos I'm needing. Thing is, she's coming to MY house. Which, I'm super exited about, but kind of not. I've got great lighting and she doesn't, so that's good. I would likely end up with not perfect photos at her house since my flash is broken (fucking flash, broke just days after the warranty expired). Hopefully I can get another flash before my two maternity sessions on July 20th.
J has to take all the kids downstairs so I can work in peace, but I'm really oddly excited about doing it here. I guess because it's not unknown, so I can set everything up and be 100% comfortable. I'll post some pics from it in the next few days.


We had Dakota's birthday party yesterday. Her birthday was actually Wednesday, but she doesn't know the difference yet, so we just celebrated when it was easier for us. We threw together a pirate shaped cake the night before, but I didn't get to work on it like I wanted since I had to leave for the hospital. It really looked awful, but she got that it was a pirate and that's all that mattered to me.
We've been really trying to get her to understand birthdays and presents and it kind of worked. We lit the candles on the cake (first year for having them since her 1st birthday) and she was very excited to blow them out. She and the boys just devoured the cake, Lily loved the icing.
We got pirate hats for them all, a treasure map, telescope, gold coins, pirate finger puppets, and eye patches.
She got a play kitchen with some wooden foods, metal pots and pans, and plastic plates. She has finally started getting into the pretend play stuff, so she's just loving the kitchen. The boys are so excited about it too. They've been playing with it non-stop.
Dakota also got a cool sensory ball and a kaleidoscope from my parents. She's been wearing her pirate hat and using the kaleidoscope as her telescope. She walks around going "YO ho ho!". The boys laugh hysterically and go "OH HO". I wish I had a video camera for times like this. lol.

Lily's nurse started this last Monday. While it's amazing how much I get done with her here, it's so weird having someone here for 6.5 hours a day. I gotta say though, I'm really glad they couldn't find someone to come 10 hours a day. I think that would just kill me. 6.5 hours is totally enough, if not too much.
She's very sweet and loves Lily a lot. She pampers her and just loves on her all day, it's great. Lily is just eating it up. :)
At the fair, there was a woman trying to raise money for getting an adapted park built here in our town. The closest one is 75 miles away from us. She is halfway to her goal. Her goal? 1.2 MILLION dollars. It's pathetic that there isn't already a place for special needs kids to play here. There are TONS of special needs kids here. I guess cause the Denver hospital is so close. I really want Lily to be able to swing outside though, she loves to swing. The ladies site is www.swinghigh.org

Want to hear Jeremy on the radio? Here's the link to the live stream of the station he's interning at.
http://www2.ppcc.edu/NewsEvents/KEPC/
I'll have to post the times he's on later. He's on right now (10:22 am mt time), but I don't know the other times he's usually on. It's fun for me to hear him. He sounds so cute. :)

Ok, enough of my writing. I have cleaning and laundry to be doing. Oy.

We're starting the process to get Max evaluated. J, I, and the speech therapist all agree he's very very likely autistic. He's so much like Dakota, but so different. Dakota has always been 'odd' and 'different'. Max wasn't. He was talking up a storm, mellow, etc.. and he's changed. His speech has lessened by about half, if not more. He will only eat beige foods and orange crackers now. He bangs his head, slaps himself, can't handle any type of frustration. It all started happening about the 18 month mark, the 'regression autism' age.

I'm not upset, or disappointed. I'm not surprised and I think that's why. I knew they both had a pretty high chance of being autistic anyway, so I kind of expected one or more to be. With him though, I do suspect food issues. He has, and has always had, eczema. We know he's allergic to dairy of any kind, but that's all I've gotten down. He eats so little though, what could he be reacting to in what he eats?
He eats:
Ramen noodles (chicken flavoured only)
Crackers (wheat and cheezeits)
Rice cakes
Peeled apples
Plain pasta or with lightly coated butter and garlic

So the main thing out of that would be wheat or gluten, right? And maybe whatever crap is in the ramen seasoning. I don't know how we could even begin to cut gluten out since he will not eat anything else. Gluten free pasta and crackers? It's so frustrating. :(

I had my nerve testing done on Tuesday. Got the results today. Normal.
I just wanted to slump down and cry. I need something to show that something is WRONG so I can FIX IT. They're calling in an order for a brain/neck MRI so I should get that done soon. Oh and my arm/hand is numb again, as well as my big toe. But nothing's wrong, you know. *rolling eyes*

We had a nurse come evaluate Lily for nursing care this morning. Not only do they evaluate the child, they evaluate your house. (eek) We have to install a safety lock on the med cabinet, that's in a room that stays gated and locked. We have to unplug the fan that's mounted on the wall even though the plug and outlet are covered by a child safety thingy.
We have to have a fire escape plan put on the wall. We have to put all the emergency #'s on the wall. We have to get more laundry done, clean the spots off the walls and carpets, and go through the toys and pack up items smaller than a certain size. It all makes sense (well, some of it), but I didn't figure they'd be inspecting my house for nursing care. It's not like we're adopting a nurse. Also, if I HAD 10 hours of help every day, I would have all that shit done already!
Plus, with nursing care, CPS can come make visits UNANNOUNCED at any time. I don't think so. They still can't get in my house without a warrant, nursing care or not.

Anyhow, we should be able to get 8-10 hours of nursing care a day M-F. Isn't that fucking awesome? That should give me time to clean and just relax. They nurse will be in charge of Lily's hair, nails, laundry, bed, etc.. It's like having my own little maid for Lily. :)

There is also a cool program here that makes it so that if I get a degree as a CNA (certified nurse assistant), I can be 'hired' to be Lily's CNA. I would be taking care of her as normal, just getting $12 an hour for it, 8-10 hours a day. The course is 6 weeks long, 5 hours a day, and is $650. I have to gather up the money and get the time for it, but I'm so going to do it.


The kids are driving me insane. The weather is all wonky (it was like 90 last week and it's 60ish today) and it's made them batty. They all screamed and cried and threw themselves on my the entire 2 hours the nurse was here. I wanted to just screech "they're not normally like this, I promise!!" Now that she's gone, they've all calmed down. They're still being nuts, but at least it's not a scream fest. I just need to take some Valium or something and just relax. I'm entirely too stressed out.

I'm practically shaking with pissed-off-ness. You know that little wiggling red smilie with steam coming out his ears? That's me.

J has school Monday-Thursday from 7 am - 9:30. He has school on Monday and Wednesday from 11-3. He has his internship on Monday from 4-7, Tuesday from 10-2, Thursday 3-5, and Friday 4am-8am. He has work in between and after the internships, except on Tuesdays.
That means Tuesday after 2:30 pm is the ONLY time I can make dr appointments. Or Friday, but no damn dr's seem to work on Fridays.

We already have a orthopedic appointment for Lily on Thursday the 12th at 2:15, which if I reschedule, we get put on a waiting list to be called back to be put on a waiting list for an appointment. That means a 3 month wait to be put on another waiting list for another 3-6 month wait for an appointment. It can NOT be canceled, I will break down. I also already have an appointment for my nerve testing, which happened to be scheduled on a Tuesday, I think. It better have been.

I called the 2nd hearing/balance dr and he doesn't work on Fridays. Which means my only option is Tuesdays. I have to call back because in the 5 minutes it took for me to get the exact hours I could go on Tuesday, they left for the day. I'm ready to explode.

It doesn't help that every. single. time. I get on the phone, Dakota decides to have a fit and I can't hear anything. That or Coy clocks Max in the face with a toy and they both scream and scream while slapping amongst them goes on in the background. Blood pressure rising quickly. Then they get themselves stuck in something and scream like they're being killed. I never can hear anything on the phone, at all. I hate calling people so much simply because my kids don't have the ability to know when to shut up for 10 seconds.

Our schedule will be this way for the next 6 weeks, then we get a whole 2 week break before it goes back to this schedule OR gets worse and more packed. I don't even know why I'm trying to figure out what's wrong with me. I don't have the time to figure it out!!

I'm totally broken out in hives and my head is pounding and my ears are ringing. I am so livid and stresed out. I HATE days like this.

Oh oh! And to make it just that much worse, J hasn't gotten paid. The stupid ass government decided to take an extra 2 weeks with his paycheck and he won't get it till next Thursday. If we had known this, we would've put off a couple bills until we got it. But we didn't, so we paid all the bills and we've got a whole $1 in our account right now. We'll get his and Lily's disability tonight at midnight, so it's not a huge deal, but it's a pain in the ass.

ETA: It doesn't help when I'm trying to finish editing all the photos from the nilmdts session quickly so I can get the cd to them and not have to worry about it anymore. It has taken me the last two days to get 10 photos done. Ridiculous. Just stupid. I just don't have enough of me, enough monthly income to hire other people, and enough time to get everything done.

I did my first session this morning. I was called with the info that the mom was very close to delivering a premature Trisomy 18 baby. I gathered all my stuff and rushed out the door. I got there almost 40 minutes before the baby was born.
I got some really great laboring photos before they annouced it was time to push, and then I left (mom didn't want delivery photos) and waited in another room. She pushed for 20ish minutes and little tiny Hope was born. She was 4 lbs 2 oz and 17 inches long. Absolutely beautiful little girl and amazing parents. She held on for an hour exactly and died shortly after her first bath. She was just so so beautiful. Had her dad's hands and nose, her moms forehead and feet.

So I had *another* follow up with my dr to see if any of the things we've been trying have been helping. Long story shot, no. Shocking. lol.

I now have a referral to a hearing/balance dr to figure out my dizziness issues, a geneticist to see if maybe my issues are some genetic disease (Ehlers-Danos is probable), a med for helping to control dizziness, and an appointment for some type of nerve testing. I forget what she called it. It checks for nerve damage with little electrodes. I checked and double checked that it did NOT include any type of needles though and it doesn't. Thank goodness.
After all that, I will be getting an MRI on my brain/neck.

They're stumped. I knew they would be, they said they wouldn't be. I simply cannot accept that what I go through daily is normal. A 22 year old should NOT feel like this. No one can tell me that everyone feels like this all the time. I do not understand why I have so much pain, it just doesn't make sense. Ugh.

Onto the rant. I called to make the appointment for the balance dr. This piss-ant dude answered the phone, rudely, and I told him I needed to make an appointment to be evaluated for dizziness. He asked if I'd had a hearing test. I told him not technically. He said I must have one first. Then didn't say anything. I was like, um, can't you schedule that too?
He goes to schedule me. This Dr Shaw apparently ONLY works on Mondays and ONLY between 2-5. Wtf? The hearing test would have to start at 2 and the actual dr appointment would start at 3:30 and last till almost 5. J's classes are from 11-3:15 and 5-9 every Monday. :(
So, I have another balance specialist. There are only two in this city, so the other one better work more than 3 hours a week at his clinic.

I have no idea when I'll see the geneticist. Months from now, I'm guessing. The nerve testing will likely be done in about two weeks, if J can take a couple hours off.

ETA: You know that episode of Scrubs where they had the full body scan machine and that guy from Spin City was a hypochondriac? I need one of those machines.

I've been bad about actually uploading the pics I've been taking of the kids. These are all just snapshots, so don't expect anything good. lol.

( lots of photos! )

I'm so annoyed. I ordered a crapload of stuff from Vistaprint to start aggressive advertising here. They came in today. The business cards are cut unevenly and grainy, but that's hardly noticeable.
The brochure photo is tinted green and grainy. The postcard photo (same one from the business card) is tinted purple and grainy. Wtf! The business card is perfectly coloured. The photos I uploaded have been printed out to 8x10 and larger with absolutely no problems before.
So I called them and they're sending me out new postcards and brochures.
About 2 hours later, the car magnet came in. Also tinted green. I don't see how this happened. The b/w's were all the same. They all looked the same to me. The business cards came out the right colours, why did nothing else?!
I'm just really bummed. I was all geared up for some great looking items and now I'm just sunk. I can't believe it looks so bad. J says it doesn't look that bad, but come on. Why would I hand out green and purple tinted photos while advertising for photography? That's just a bad idea. :(


In other news, Lily is doing very well. Her bath chair finally came in, so she got to have a fun bath without me holding her by the head. She also got her body vest in Friday. I was skeptical as to how well it would work since it's just neoprene. It works amazing though! She doesn't fall over when I prop her up on the couch, she holds her head up more. It's really awesome.

Coy and Max are doing good also. Coy has picked up a couple words now, so it's a little easier to know what he's wanting. He's signing quite a bit more now as well. Max is just a chatter mouth. He knows his abc's, he can count to 10, he sings, he talks in sentences, etc.. It's a bit odd. lol. Both of them have started to show food/sensory issues though. It's getting frustrating trying to feed all of them without one of them freaking out.

Dakota has been doing very good. She's been creating short sentences now, usually pretty appropriately. I got a peach out to eat last night and she thought it was an apple and snatched it from me. I let her take it and just watched her to see if she was going to try to eat it. She put it up against her closed lips, felt the fuzz, and gagged. lol. She put it in her pile of toys and walked off. I asked her if she would bring it to me and she looked at me and said no. I asked again and said I wanted to eat it and I was hungry. She smiled and said "hungry, peach?" I said yes and asked her to bring it to me (I was watching House). She said "No. No hungry peach." She picked it up and brought it near me, but wouldn't hand it to me. I said "Dakota, can you share the peach with me, please?". She looks at me, grins, and says "Dakota share peach" and then chunked it down the stairs. LOL. She's hilarious.


I have a follow up appointment with my dr this Friday. My last physical therapy appointment was last Friday. They actually decided to terminate my care because it wasn't helping even though I was getting stronger. My pain is still the same, my symptoms are still the same. My dizziness is actually worse now than it was before I started the therapy. I only get about 4 migraines a month now, which is awesome for me.
I'm still very tired though. I could easily fall asleep right now. I get about 9 hours of sleep every night, so I don't really understand why I'm always so so tired. I get that having triplets makes you tired, but I was never this tired when I had Dakota plus 3 daycare kids under 2.
I am totally sore from the photoshoot on Sunday. My legs are aching something bad. Ugh.

I started an online biggest loser challenge. While I don't have much I want to lose, I need to get in shape BAD. I'm hoping it'll be a good motivator.

Today has been way more hectic than I hoped. I woke up at 8:30 with Max and Lily, cleaned the kitchen, vacuumed, moved clothing baskets around in the bedroom so the oxygen guy could get to the tank easily. Then Coy and Dakota woke up. Fixed everyone breakfast, cleaned up after that. Then the oxygen guy showed up. He brought a new tank, tubing, sterile water, face tape, and left. Then the music therapist came. She was here for an hour. I had to keep the kiddos away from her expensive equipment while she sang with Lily and Lily tried to dance and sing along (very cute, btw. One of these days I'll get a camcorder to share this), and then she left. Then the FedEx guy came with a clients print order. I got that all packed up, got the paperwork in it, and ready for them to have. Then the DHL guy came with my Vistaprint order. The the mailman came with more SSI paperwork to complete (ugh, it's a constant PITA). Then the UPS guy came with new lockoffs for the stupid carseats. My phone has been ringing off the hook. I just want to be LEFT ALONE today. I'm so tired.

We found a car we might get. Hopefully. If we can be approved for the loan, I'm really hoping we can get it. It's a 2003 Chevy van with an electric wheelchair lift and lock offs in the van. It can seat 6 people (plus driver and passenger) as well as the wheelchair in the back. It's royal blue and has an entertainment system in it. It has 87,000 miles on it, but has an extended bumper to bumper warranty till July of 09 or 100,000 miles. It's ONLY $13,500! The family is selling it because their daughter (who was a twin) passed away a couple months ago at 10 1/2 years old. We gave the bank all the info yesterday and we'll hopefully know soon if we can get it. It's iffy since it's older with almost 100,000 miles, but cross your fingers!

So, it went ok. The couple seemed very uncomfortable being close/hugging/kissing and that made it really hard.

Anyway, here's the photos of it.

http://flickr.com/photos/sweetfeetphotography/sets/72157605152551731/

While I had a good time doing this session, it was way out of my comfort-ability square. I don't usually take photos to purposely include the background, so I felt very uncreative and I was worried that I didn't get anything good.
I was really bummed that the entire sky was white. I was hoping to get the pretty blue sky with a couple clouds, but it was severely overcast and there wasn't a touch of blue in the sky. It was just a blanket of white. Bleh.

Because the session challenged me so much and made me feel inadequate and untalented, I'm taking a young couple out there on Sunday at sunset for an engagement session. I NEED to be able to feel comfortable in this park because the majority of people want photos done at this place. I think it will be a little better this time because I know what to expect.

These are a few of the ones I really liked.

( pics )

I wasn't able to get any of the kids except Lily in these photos mainly because they all decided to become little screaming, hitting, biting, monsters the minute I wanted to start taking photos. Rather than fight with them about it, I just chose to get photos of them later.

It's a super big photo, so dial up users beware. I've since fixed shadows and such on it and I ordered it in a 20x20 today. It should get to me in a couple days. :D

Btw, I totally stole this idea (as I said I would) from Babyslime. I would do the little hotlink to her page, but it's telling me 'bad user name'. I'm LJ code inept apparently.

( Read more... )

I love and hate giving Coy baths. He makes the most adorable faces any child could possibly make, BUT, he splashes SO much! It's ridiculous how much of a mess he can make. He does this like altered cannon ball thing in the tub and water just flies everywhere. It reminds me a lot of this:



I end up soaking 3 or 4 towels just to clean up the floor when he's done. It's hilarious, but a lot of work to clean up after.

I got my baby fix on Sunday. Isn't this little bugger just adorable?
http://flickr.com/photos/sweetfeetphotography/sets/72157604780886026/

He was 6 days old yesterday. I was hoping to get some sleeping photos, but alas, he wanted nothing to do with sleeping the couple hours I was there. I still love what I got though. :)

Babs, give me cc on these, if you would. :D

So I had my physical therapy evaluation today and I start the actual PT next week 2x a week.
It was interesting. My upper back is hyper-mobile and very weak. Thus why chiropractic or any type of manipulation or massage hasn't worked. I'm just too weak there and waaay too flexible. My lower back and hips are compensating for my middle back scoliosis, which is causing all my lower back/hip pain. My left shoulder is actually not where it is supposed to be, it's quite a ways out. She explained that it's usually caused by carrying kids on your hip with that side. It just like slowly pulls it out of place.

This is stuff I really already knew, but didn't want to deal with. lol. But, it gives me a good reason to actually exercise daily like I should be. I wish I could get the time to go to the gym by myself every day. I love working out. I've convinced J we're going to get a used treadmill off of craigslist with part of the stimulus payment. If we can find a used elliptical glider for him too, that'd be awesome. He can't use anything but that since he broke his hip. I'm going to force myself to start doing yoga daily again. Won't get on the computer much if I do, but that'll probably help with the back pain too, lol.

My migraines are down to one every week/week and a half!! I'm so so thrilled. I can't believe this med is working so well! I'd love for it to totally get rid of them, but I'll take what I can get. :D

I was laying in bed, still not being able to sleep last night, and thinking about the differences between Dakota's babyhood and the babies babyhood so far. I really didn't realize that we were doing things so differently, but we are and it makes me a little sad to think how it will affect them differently.

Dakota was always in a sling or being nursed. If she wasn't, she was off playing by herself with puzzles or whatever. She's never not slept with us, we've always responded to her every peep.

The boys have been in a sling maybe 15-20 times. Since they're not used to it now, they really don't like it, they get scared and freak out. I wore Lily quite a bit as a baby, she's always been the fussiest of the three.
We all slept in the same bed for two months. Then I put Max and Lily in a sidecarred crib and Coy slept with us. Then all three of them went into the sidecarred crib. Around 4 months, Coy got his own crib in our room and Max and Lily were still sidecarred. They would come in bed with us when needed, but very rarely.

While Lily was in the hospital, Max got used to not having her there with him anymore and wouldn't accept her back in his bed when she got home. We didn't have room for a king size bed, dresser, AND 3 cribs, so Lily went into bed with us. When we moved into an apartment in July of 07, Max and Coy got moved into the room next to ours. Just recently I set up Lily's packnplay and she's been sleeping in it for most of the night.
The boys would think it's a game if we tried to cosleep with them now. They won't even go to sleep if we're in the room. :(

Dakota was 100% breastfed and just weaned herself a couple weeks ago. She turns 4 in June.

The babies were getting donor milk and formula supplements around 3 months and were fully formula/donor milk fed by 6 months. Now, I'm not as upset about this as I was at first. I don't think I tried hard enough and I even thought that at the time, I was just so tired and I didn't have any help. It seemed easier even though I knew better. I do think that Lily wouldn't have gotten as sick as she did if she had been breastfed. I don't think she'd be the way she is now if she had. BUT, I can't change that now, so I'm not crying over it every day, yk? I wish I had had less stress when they were born. I wish I had just turned off the computer, kicked everyone out of the house, and just spent a week or two in bed with them and the TV on for Dakota.

Nothing was really off limits for Dakota. She could pull everything out of the cabinets, drawers, etc.. and play with it. I didn't care, I'd just clean it up later.

Now we have a baby gate blocking off the kitchen and our bedroom/computer room, tv button blocker, no access to dressers or cabinets of any kind. I just can't handle the mess that Dakota and the boys can make in seconds. It's just too much. So everything gets blocked off and I feel like they're missing natural learning through play.

I find that I snap at them much more than I ever did Dakota. I don't know why. Stressed out? Tired? Both? I made a point to try to be better today and it showed. I unplugged the TV so they couldn't turn it on and got down with them and played for a while. There wasn't as much fighting or screaming from the 3 of them, which always makes me happy. I still feel bad though. I never meant to give up ideals that are so important to me.

Our next one will hopefully only be one.